June 7 , 2009:

Throw Down

Hello,

When I was first sober I cussed some people out at a few different dog parks. The first one was actually shortly before I quit drinking for real--I had just been dry for a couple of days and was ready to second-degree murder somebody. I'll tell you my side of the story, and then you can join me in not being sorry towards the lady I yelled at.

Buddy and I were at a park in Austin called "Doggie Island" where you could legally let your dog off the leash to swim. Most sane people know that if you're at an off-leash dog park and you throw a stick or a ball, there's a chance that some dog or dogs besides yours will chase and/or catch it. Some dogs are well-mannered and only pay attention to their owners, while others, like Buddy, are dicks who take liberties with the off-leash concept. Still, you wouldn't think somebody would lose their mind when a dog swims out into the water and retrieves "their dog's" stick...

OR WOULD YOU???

From several bushes away, I hear this lady start yelling at Buddy. I went to get him and he's standing in front of her, waiting for her to throw the stick into the water again. She's telling him in a shitty tone that it's not for him, it's for her dog. I call him over to me and apologize to her for the intrusion on her imaginary private beach at the public off-leash dog park. I didn't say the part about the beach, just the "sorry he bothered you" part. Initially I try not to fight with strangers over their insanity...

OR DO I???

Buddy ran around some more and then eventually I lost sight of him again. Not out of the ordinary for a tree and bush-infested off-leash dog park. As I was calling him and looking for him I heard: "Come get your dog! Get your dog right now!" So I yell "Sorry, I'm coming" and walk faster. (This was pre-foodbriety so I was still too self-conscious to run in public, even in front of dogs.)

Then I heard "GET YOUR DOG RIGHT NOW!" in what I took to be an angry "this is the last time I'm calling you for dinner!" parent-voice, but which could have been this woman's best foot forward for all I know. It's easy to be philosophical about it now, but at the time I responded by screaming "STOP YELLING AT ME!" as loudly as I could.

Well what have we here? A stranger charging around the bushes full-throttle, aiming her Incredible Hulk-gaze in my direction? Not on my watch. Next thing you know I'm calling her the C-word. I'd never used it against a woman before and had hardly ever even said it out loud, but no woman had ever wild-animal charged me from out of the bushes before either.

I think the rest of the discussion went something like:

Her: I SAID GET YOUR DOG! [still stomping towards me while she's yelling, briefly entering my "too close for comfort" zone (which is a solid three feet in every direction.)]

Me: STOP F***ING YELLING AT ME YOU F***ING C*** F*** YOU YOU F***ING C*** YOU STUPID F***ING C*** GET THE F*** AWAY FROM ME YOU MOTHERF***ING C***SUCKING F***ING C*** F*** YOU!

And so on. It sounds harsh at first glance but my policy on strangers who charge at me FROM THE WILD THORNBUSHES NO LESS is to scream cuss words at them until they go away. Which she did, but not until after Buddy had jumped on her several times and tried to grab the stick that started it all. You want to talk about true love--that dog has had my heart in his paw ever since. And before that as well.

Good night and please forgive me for being part monster and not at all sorry about anything that happened that day, except for the fact that I didn't work in a few more C-words before bidding her adieu.

love,

Martha

Added June 7, 2009

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