April 26, 2009:

Palm Springs = best desert ever

Dear Blog,

I got back from the Palm Springs retreat yesterday and am still recovering from the hootenanny. Plus my eye hurts, so once again I will have to keep the wind short. Here are some highlights:

On the first night, a drunk driver crashed his car into a telephone pole outside our motel. I heard a really loud buzzing and crackling noise and looked out the window to see the electrical wires directly across from our room sparking like crazy. Me and my roommate went out onto our balcony and saw two small fires in front of the motel next door. I called 911 in what I thought was a panic but what sounded to the operator like a state of complete relaxation. Emergencies are the natural born enemy of the monotone-haver. Help.

There were about a hundred people on this trip and all of us were/are sober. It's sort of like a family reunion and it's been going on every June for around 30 years. Some people come from as far away as Baltimore, Maryland, and the wayward town of Fresno, California. We bring our own food and make breakfast and lunch in the motel's kitchen/hospitality area every day. On day three someone discovered that the salami we'd been using had wine in its list of ingredients. It then became known as "relapse salami" and those of us who kept eating it asked for it by name in front of those who did not. "Say, do we have any more of that relapse salami?" It's fun being a person.

There was a street fair one night in town and it happened to coincide with my first day back off of flour. The excruciating rawness came back with a vengeance and I couldn't hardly look at anybody in the crowd without feeling like crying. It feels a lot like the way I heard a friend once describe a bad acid trip: like you can see into other people and feel all of their sadness and fear. It's not real--just a gross sensation brought on by lowered defenses--but a street fair is a terrible place to be when it comes on. Aside from the lost-looking crowds, the merchants can really get you in the old clinker. There was one guy selling CDs who made me physically recoil. His sales pitch involved wearing a pirate suit and playing bizarre-sounding new age music in front of a wind machine. The ever-loving humanity.

After being talked down from the ledge by a couple of friends, I had a great time for the rest of the week. On Saturday I did a couple of things I'd wanted to do at last year's retreat but was too afraid to try: played pool volleyball and danced with my friends. As fun as dancing badly is, I can't imagine what kind of great time people have when they do it well. Holy mackerel it feels good to stop worrying about how you look and just concentrate on how you feel. I hope I can parlay this newfound freedom into rampant making out with strangers. Eharmony.com here I don't come.

love,

I Almost Barfed in Yoga Class Today

Added April 26, 2009