March
27, 2009:
The family reunion this past weekend was on a Royal Caribbean
cruise, whose commercials use the Iggy Pop "Lust for
Life" song and whose slogan is "Vacation of a
lifetime." I think my cousin summed up this vacation
of a lifetime best when he said: "I guess I liked it
more than I disliked it. Overall I'm not sorry I came."
Lust for life: activated.
As my twin sister and I waited in line to board the boat
on Friday, we saw a little girl--maybe 3 or 4 years old--walking
in and out of line with a blank look on her face as she
moved her arms up and down like a robot. I think she may
have been an apparition from the future, doing a demonstration
on how to best get through the weekend.
Despite the feeling of being taken hostage, there were
plenty of fun times on the cruise. For instance, "Tootsie"
was on the Royal Caribbean movie channel yesterday, uncut
and uninterrupted by commercials.
We also had a lot of fun when I sang "The Real Me:
Beyond My Charade" as loudly as I could at the next
door neighbors early Saturday morning. They had been whooping,
cackling, and pounding on the walls at 2:30 am the night
before. As I sang the Maxwell Caulfield classic from Grease
II, I knew it was wrong, but it felt right.
There was a mandatory safety drill at 4:30 pm on Friday,
right before the ship set sail for poverty-stricken Mexico.
They make everybody put on their life jackets and line up
at different "muster stations" while they do an
attendance check. After it was over my sister approached
one of the crewmen and asked him if they ever encounter
rogue waves. He had an Italiano accent and assured us that
he was "a-not brave, deez boats-a veddy quiet, dee
ocean a-veddy quiet, a-not-a worry." Then he ended
with "a-be quiet." Which I think he meant as "It
will be quiet," but it sounded like he was telling
my sister to be quiet. So for the rest of the weekend any
time anybody said or did anything annoying, one of us would
imitate his gentle delivery of "a-be quiet."
You think that sounds like the vacation of a lifetime,
you should wait until I get to the part about the bottomless
bowl of Caesar salad. Or how my sister named the one chair
in our room Dirty Sanchez because it was dirty and she kept
stubbing her toe on it. The fun and laughter is literally
over before it starts on the Monarch of the Seas Cruise
to Ensenada. If you love to see a toddler put in an honest
day's work selling gum, then you need to get on down to
Mexico's number two or three party town.
On the bright side, it was nice to spend time with my family
and the food was edible. My sister and I were cabin mates,
and we spent most of the weekend making fun of the different
goings-on with the boat and the other passengers. This weekend
was the longest we've ever hung out together without getting
in a single argument. Thanks Royal Caribbean. What more
can you ask of a vacation?
Love,
A-be Quiet
Added March
27, 2009 |
